How to help a friend who is struggling with anxiety

People worry that they will say the wrong thing and make it worse. In practice almost anything said sincerely lands fine. What helps is not elegance, it is that you are still there afterwards.

The most useful thing is often the smallest: sitting with someone while they are upset, and not immediately filling the silence with advice.

Ask directly, once, and then let them answer at their own pace: "How are you doing, honestly?" Asking twice is what gets a real answer — the first "I'm fine" is usually reflex, not information.

Listen without steering. No interrupting with your own story, no listing what they should try, no "at least you have…". The experience of being heard is the thing that helps.

Suggest something small and specific rather than "let's do something to take your mind off it". "Want to walk to the library with me?" is answerable; an open-ended evening plan is a lot to say no to.

Keep showing up. Most people's anxiety does not resolve in one conversation. A message three days later saying "no pressure, just checking in" matters more than a long conversation that happened once.

Comparing. "You should try running" or "I was fine before my exams" ranks their experience against someone else's, and the only message it sends is that their struggle is illegitimate.

Rushing to diagnose. Naming a disorder for them — anxiety, depression, ADHD — is not support, and being labelled by a friend can feel dismissive even when it is meant kindly.

Promising secrecy you cannot keep. If your friend tells you they are having thoughts of harming themselves, you need to involve another adult. That is not breaking a promise; it is the one promise you must break.

Making their recovery your project. Support means being available, not monitoring, not fixing, and not disappearing the day they seem better.

If your friend is spiralling in a public place, do not start the deep conversation there. Walk with them somewhere quieter, or say plainly: "this is a bigger conversation than a corridor — can we find a coffee place?"

If you are worried they might act on thoughts of self-harm, do not leave them alone and do not wait to see whether they improve. Contact the emergency helplines listed on the Crisis Support page, or 112 if there is immediate danger.

Supporting someone who is anxious is not free. It can be draining, and it is normal to find it harder than expected.

If this is weighing on you, talking to a counsellor or a trusted faculty member is not a betrayal of your friend. You cannot be the only support in a person's life.